The Other Side Of My New Home

“Prakash!! See this!”

“Mom! What is this! Why you keep on giving me this bio-data of girls. And see this time it is heights…first ask that girl why she doesn’t get it published as an autobiography and apply for some Booker’s award. I am not going to read ‘I, me, myself’ stuff spread over to hundred pages.”

“Son! What’s this? Have a look at this at least. Such a beautiful girl, good family, good job and more over she is ready to get relocated to our place. She is the only girl and the family is quite well to do.?”

(Needless to say “only girl” made me real pissed off…all my friends have one and half ‘gharwalis’ and my mother persuading me for one ‘gharwali’ alone!)

“Mom! You know what the time now is?”

“It is 30 mins past nine.”

“Do you know what does it mean?”

“No!”

“It is the time that myself should concentrate of television.”

(I switched on the television and started watching a news channel as if it is flashing the last news the human kind can ever hear)

“Do whatever you want! Who cares for the old lady here?”

(She started to leave!”)

“Ok Momma! Will see after the news is over!”

As mom moved out of the room, I switched the channel to Fashion TV and kept myself engrossed in the lanky sleazy gorgeous and needless to say three fourth naked models.

After my favorite show is over, I changed to my dirty night wears and about to sleep. I saw the blue file, the so called profile of the so called wannabe bride. It was very fat and I thought it would take me at least ten days to go through it. Nevertheless, I tried to flip through in the least interesting manner possible. Nothing interesting in the profile, nothing uninteresting either; I thought why so serious and slept.

Next morning, mom wakes me up at my usual time of 9.30 Am and said “Wake up, today we have a surprise for you.”

“Mom don’t you think I am little bit grown up for surprises. Let me enjoy my holidays. Got this leave for five days after much difficulty.”

“No, get ready soon, Papa has taken a leave and we are going to some place.”

“What place is it? Some temple? I said you earlier; I am a Communist atheistic Pagan. And I don’t go to temples.”

“Ohh baba! Come on. Get ready in an hour, wear your best dress and we are going to see a girl.”

“Mom, what is this?”

“Your count down starts now!!”

The door snapped on my face as mother left for motherly activities. I am stranded in the room like a dog stranded in the middle of a highway, without knowing how to go forward or to go back. Any way I got ready. I dressed decently else my mother would bit the hell out of me. I had a look at the girl’s photo. After all she is not ugly, though not any way near to the FTV models I used to see on television.

All the way I was rehearsing what I would suppose to do. Behaving like a dutiful son, laughing at every stupid joke, taking interest in everybody’s nonsense conversations…I could not be so fake. And when the idiotic custom of ‘girl-boy alone’ meeting starts how would I suppose to behave. I had not gone through the bio data of the girl at all. And most importantly I had no interest in talking to some stranger and if that happens to somebody from fairer sex. Being a member of “single and happy” group in college, I throughout my life till this had pun of girls and saw them in very derogatory manner.

Any way we reached her home. They welcomed me very warmly and I felt the warmth was all fake. It was just another way of a shop keeper attracting the customers. Nobody knows how many times they had acted the same scenario and how many more times they would have to repeat, as I was confident I was going to reject this proposal. Not that I did not like the girl’s photo but I was afraid of getting into marriage.

After the rituals of “hi-hello” started the never ending idiotic conversations. I was trying to act like a dutiful son, taking interest in everybody’s talk though I understood nothing. I was acting as if I was very keenly listening to the girl’s father but my eyes were glued to the photo of a beautiful girl in the calendar hanging on the wall.

After half an hour our parents left us alone.

Initial few minutes were real travail; I would ask about her job, her work, her assignments, hobbies, likes, dislikes. I had no homework at all.

After a while I stopped after running short of my dim ideas of engaging in some foolish conversation. She looked at me, first time a full view; she was not that bad, I thought.

“Do you really want to marry me?” she asked.

I almost jumped out of the sofa, but then smiled and said “it applies to both of us, and I am certainly here with the same intention, I won’t lie to you but I choose you moment I saw your photograph!”

Oh my God what the hell I said. I started cursing my tongue like never. What this girl must be thinking of me. I was imagining: ‘myself down in the floor, the girl shouting at me, you moron, why the hell you wag your tongue when you see any girl, why are you so desperate, why don’t you guys spare us girls to live their life alone. Do you think I am so foolish to fall into your shitty joke of love at first sight?”

Suddenly she said   “You mind if I let you know in few days?”

Oh I got a big respite. I uttered to myself “Thank god nothing of this dream shit actually happened.”

“Sure, take your time” I replied softly. I tried to say very softly, but it sounded me as if I was suffering from constipation.

I agreed to marry that girl, partly because I liked her wit but most importantly my mother and my father threatened me with dire consequences. And our marriage solemnized.

Author’s note: The other side view ends here. As after marriage the guy has no role to play other than giving her wife a cup of tea once or twice.

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written by umbrella, March 03, 2010

my my..the guy married the girl partly for her wit??..wt wit..i wonder..lolz.
For a person who is a Communist atheistic Pagan [ i love this term! ], who likes those ramp-walking soulless machines, he luckily ends up with a real girl ! Long live dominating parents!

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written by mitra, March 03, 2010

I think the wit may be:
"Cut the crap you moron!! Come to the point..are you willing to marry me?" Isn't it the wit...

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written by umbrella, March 03, 2010

@ mitra

that's definitely 'wit'. lolzz

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written by Domarp, March 03, 2010

@Idiot: I loved the other side of the story more than mine....may be i lack the humour to write such stories ..This one is my favourite..."After marriage the guy has no role to play other than giving her wife a cup of tea once or twice"...

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written by idiott, March 03, 2010

@domarp
no dude yours was good...mine is just a parody of yours...!!!

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written by Pavalamani Pragasam, March 03, 2010

Really hilarious! A mother of 2 sons and one daughter, my tender affection and understanding has always been towards men who in my opinion are only grown-up boys!!! Gullible, innocent, predictable, tractable and harmless!!!

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written by Santosh, March 03, 2010

I refuse to believe that much has changed with regards to the pre-marital rituals unless of course you have given your heart away elsewhere. The excitement and fervor still continues unabated. However females are much more participative and expressive now.

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