“Love” one of the most beautiful word added in English lexicon, sometimes I wonder do we have any other word as its alternative may be little less intense or let’s say synonyms of the word love which can be used at different places to determine the usage of the term differently, like love between father and son should have another substitute so that it would be easier for a normal person to understand. 

My story revolves around the “unknown”, “unanswered” love which takes refuse in our heart and makes our seemingly simple life so complex and traumatic that we tend to forget who we are; the world around us is inconspicuous as we are in a state of oblivion living in our own micro world of unrequited love. Protagonist of my story was victim of such love.

It all began in 2002 in hot humid month of July in Lucknow. I still remember the first day of our engineering college when I met Sameer, a bright student with above average intelligence, that day my eyes were searching for the some new friends suddenly struck at him, smartly dressed with spectacles he unassumingly offered me seat adjacent to him.

“Hi, I am Sameer,” He said.

“Pramod,” I replied with a friendly gesture.

“It’s quite hot today and this lecture theatre fan’s are not working, hope the lecture is interesting.” he said after a pause.

I smiled thinking that this is government college brother we need to put our expectations outside the classroom.

 First lecture, engineering mechanics, it was always an interesting subject since it never required memorising things with only requisite, simple understanding of the dynamics of motion. Our lecturer Mr Rajiv Kumar was even better, he knew what was best for us and  made even difficult problems look so simple, at times Sameer would ask some difficult questions and his  understanding of the concepts and subject made me believe he was no ordinary student, he was best among all of us. We became friends since the very first class.

Apart from being a prodigious student he was equally fun to hang around, always entertaining us with his funny anecdotes, you can never argue with him since his explanations would put you in non-plus state especially when his juggernaut started rolling he was unstoppable. Being inimitable in his abilities he was hero of our group, we always looked up to him for things be it studies or otherwise.

Then came a phase which changed his life forever, in second year of our college in one of our bike rides after college he saw one girl at sweet shop “Swaad”.

 Sameer was an introvert person when it came talking to girls, at times it made me feel he was too image –conscious. That day I saw a totally different avatar in him; he approached her and asked her name. I stood there agape, in awe thinking that he is still surprise package to me even after knowing him for more than a year. Since then it became customary for us to pay a visit to Swaad every day after college.

She was a commerce student in one of the government Girls College. They became good friends in a short span subsequently he was completely alienated from us. He would rarely meet us and even during lectures he was not the same person we knew. Cupid had struck and he was new lover boy of our college.

This phase of lover boy went for almost a year; since then Sameer was a completely changed man with falling test scores and low attendance his academics suffered miserably.  In spite of all we were still close, sometimes he would come to my room to play online quizzes and video games on LAN.

One day he came to my room, he was extremely confused and looked pale, his pallid countenance gave me an inkling that something terribly had gone wrong.

“I need to speak to you,” He said hesitantly.

“Hey, what happened? Is everything okay,” I replied.

“I don’t know where to start from? I mean I always thought that she feels the same as I do.” He said and then there was a pause.

In utter bewilderment I was standing beside him trying to console him.

After few moments he blurted,“ She doesn’t loves me and insists on being a friend, from past fifteen months we are together , I have shared each and everything with her, I love her so much, care for her  and she says she doesn’t love me, I mean isn’t this strange, how can she be so insensitive.” Then he started weeping profusely.

“Frailty, thy name is women,” Shakespeare quote seemed to be the most apt explanation of the current situation, and gnashing my teeth I was terribly disappointed and livid. “How can she treat my friend like a trash? If she could not reciprocate her feelings she should have told him before, why did she wait for so long?” Such questions were haunting me like some unexpected dream.

Complications in life are often unwarranted they tend to shake your life, as a friend I didn’t had much to say and do and only I could imagine is to be with him whenever he needs me. Unfortunately things worsened since that day, Sameer stopped seeing her; however the pain and anguish of separation followed him like his shadow though he always attempted to be self. He isolated himself from people, most of time you would find him in his room that too alone. For a week he didn’t even attend a single lecture.

We were worried, one day we forced him to come to picnic with us though it is quite unusual for engineering students go on a picnic, not because of studies but the hostel was always in a mood of celebration so we never felt that there is need for something else to try.

 Sameer started changing returning to his own inimitable style. He submerged himself into books, quizzes and other activities mostly related to our curriculum. The change in him made me believe that this was just another unsolicited phase of his life which had passed.

One day we were preparing for mid-semester together in my room where he broach a conversation, certainly not related to our tests and curriculum.

“You know I was an all rounder once, bagged almost all the trophies in my school.”

I looked in his eyes and replied “You are still the best Sameer; I haven’t seen anybody better than you in our college at least,”

“No, I don’t think so, I don’t want to best but I want to be self, you know everything there is nothing to hide but this relationship has disoriented my whole thinking process, just can’t come out of it. It’s like Paulomi has taken over my life dictating it on her terms.”

“Paulomi, sounds nice” I chuckled.

“Yeah, maybe you should meet her to know her better,” he replied sarcastically.

“Hey, come on,” I said patting on his shoulder.

 “No, I am serious, I can’t sleep and I hate to pity myself, people around look at me as if they want to sympathise and I despise them,”  He replied angrily.

“It is just a matter of time it will get over, you have to be strong,” I said in an empathetic tone.

I took few steps back to my chair feeling that my sympathies would only worsen his situation.

“You know that dumbo Dipen, he was snoring like a buffalo the other night that too with his door open, felt like whacking his face,” he replied furiously.

“Do buffaloes snore?” I asked inquisitively.

“You are also one of them you know, it’s a metaphor” he replied.

“No, I am serious, you know how much I love animals” I said in a funny way.

After a month when things started settling this story took a new turn. Sometimes I feel that I was an accomplice in this crime. On one of such days I was at Swaad when Paulomi appeared.

“Pramod, right,” she said.

I tried to ignore her but she followed me and said “Please I want to talk.”

“Now what do you want to talk, is there is anything else which needs to be done.” I replied irately.

“At least listen to me first and please don’t judge things like this, you are his friend so I don’t expect you to be nice to me.”

“Now what does that mean, are you trying to say that it was his fault.” I replied.

She was right I knew only one side of the story; probably I should listen to her, at least see what she has to say.

“Yeah, tell me then.”

“First tell me how is Sameer?” she sounded concerned.

But I felt otherwise, I am not Sameer have no sympathies for you, I thought.

“He is fine now.” I replied.

“See, I never wanted to hurt his feeling though I sensed it from the beginning that he likes me”

“Wow! That’s some news,” I interrupted.

“Please let me complete, would answer all your questions,” she said.

“See when he approached me he seemed like a decent person and I was really pleased to know later that he equally caring, funny, humorous and very sensitive”

That’s why you played with him, what else a girl need, aren’t these qualities enough, I thought.

“I always enjoyed his company, he made me feel special but I never felt the same and I had always hinted him that we are friends, maybe he didn’t want to listen and deep down always feared that I might lose his friendship,” she stopped for few seconds.

Then again she blurted “You tell me one thing, who doesn’t like to feel special, who doesn’t like to be loved and cared but then you cannot create the same feelings, it has to come from inside. Hope you will understand my dilemma, it is very difficult to explain though.”

I don’t know what to say, she was right, it is complex and difficult to understand. I always felt that if you care for somebody the other would reciprocate one day, but then how can you say that it will happen. The web of relationship is even more complex than Fourier’s equation that’s why we need to have so many social science subjects to understand human psychology, but in vain.

But somehow still couldn’t accept what she said.

“He has blocked my mails, has changed his mobile number, now don’t know how to contact him so I came to you, hope you will help me.” She said anxiously.

“Help, how I can I help you, please keep me out of this.” I said.

“I want to speak to him once, please.”

“No, you have to understand, anyway it won’t solve any problem it will only complicate this situation, I don’t want my friend to go through the same all over again.”

And I left the place.

Since that day many times I gave a thought to this wholesome conversation simply because it gave me insight to few things, firstly many times we tend to confuse friendship with love, if two people are together for a long time why can’t there be healthy platonic relationship.

Not many would agree though. After all it doesn’t sound pleasing to our ears as there are few things which we don’t want to listen.

Secondly why the younger generation is always in rush, we have such a lovely life where the meanings and motives can always be interpretive means the gestures, body language and the way people behave gives a lot understanding to their priorities and needs in life.

She insisted on being friend because she needed one, on the contrary Sameer never wanted to accept the reality, he wanted something else so there are complete mismatch of needs and when inevitable happened he just couldn’t come up with its terms.

Later I came to know that she wanted to support her family, her dreams and aspirations were everything to her, she was driven by her ambition and being only child she gave equal importance to her family. But in real terms the problem was that she never loved Sameer, she was a free independent girl who had life before her which she wanted to live on her own terms. We often tend to misunderstand things and be become victim of such gratuitous situations.

Finally, few things in life are beyond explanations; human emotions, needs, expressions and feeling are very subjective elements which no science and human understanding can explain, we can only hope that life guides us through the way which will be fruitful one day.

After few days after this incident I told Sameer about my conversation with Paulomi, he was quite surprised to know she wants to speak to him, he seemed ecstatic as if got something which he was looking since long time. He looked in my eyes, I could see them telling “Hey buddy, there is still hope, thanks for everything.” Deep down I felt that may be this is one last hope, who knows!

Since then I never spoke to him regarding their relationship and he too avoided this topic. Finally the time came “The Last Day in College”, we all were placed in MNC’s with big names, full with renewed energy we were ready to unleash the potential in us and realise every dream we had. The poignant farewell, all friends gathered at the railway station made me believe that this is one of the phase of life which I will always remember, though there were few unanswered questions, I wanted to reach out to Sameer and confront him as I never saw our old cheerful, happy, gung-ho Sameer.

Sameer hugged me and said quietly, “Buddy we had some great time together, I will miss you.”

Later Sameer worked in a MNC’s for 3 years and went for his post graduation from one of the prestigious universities in US.  Today he has reached the place where we all wanted to see him.

It’s almost 7 years since we last met and today I am waiting at the airport, ready to meet him. He waved his hand in the crowd. I was happier to see that he hasn’t changed since then; his looks, appearance and body-language as if he has just left the college.

“Long time, huh” he said and we hugged each other.

Later in the evening we were standing in the balcony.

“You know in spite of everything college days were best, wish I could relive those days again” he said.

“Yeah, man” I replied “We had lot of fun there,” I said with a smile.

“If I had an option to change just one thing in retrospect, you know what I will do”

“What?” I asked curiously.

“Would spend more time with friends, some where I missed all that fun and....” then he stopped.

I knew what was coming but both of us avoided discussing this topic further; I felt our Sameer hasn’t changed in seven years.

Today when I want to write about Sameer I feel bad as he reminds more of those things which kept him apart from us. Sometimes love brings all happiness, joy and everything we can ask but sometimes it is otherwise. Lot many people learn to live with it while others brave it enjoy life as if nothing has happened, hope someday would see Sameer to live his life again, to smile the same way when we first met.

P.S: Dedicated to all Sameer's who can relate to this story.

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written by Pavalamani Pragasam, January 06, 2010

Falling head over heels in 'love', blindly admiring a girl whole-heartedly and demanding the feeling reciprocated is a tall order, an unrealistic proposal in life. It is best to curb one's feeling, which is nothing but infatuation, a strong, inexplicable liking. When the possibility of the feeling not being reciprocated is two hundred percent in this world, is it sensible not to expect too much and too fast? Platonic love and 'innocent' love between the sexes are all blah blah. It is best not be carried away by this heady feeling of infatuation and rue for life. Being more practical and steady is advisable. But loving each other after marriage with commitment, necessity and familiarity is another thing. It is a healthy development that can be nurtured with constant togetherness and mutual interest and duty.Better for boys and girls to wait for this appropriate sanction and solemn beginning of life for fruitful results and avoid unnecessary heartaches.

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written by Barun Dash, January 06, 2010

Good writing but two words to what love is - LOVE SUCKS

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There is no use in crying over spilt milk !!
written by Sagar , January 06, 2010

Life moves on and so do we all. But Sameer is stuck with his past. It still haunts him. Unless we come to terms with the present and face life boldly, nothing changes actually. Its like a fooling oneself that everything is fine when nothing is in reality. The theme chosen revolves about LOVE but if we fit every frame of our life into it, then we find that some people are not at all eager to let go off their past. Infatuation does occur to some people. But its better to leave the gal alone. Good writing Pramod !! Waiting for the next one from you..

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sucks for him
written by prabol, January 06, 2010

Good story Pramod. I have a problem with the girl because there is no evidence in your story that she clearly cleared out that she was not interested at all. If she knew that Sameer had feelings for her, it would have been best for her to keep away from him instead of using him to feel special. She just wanted to feel good at somebody else's expense.

I agree that feeling of love is complicated but it is only as complicated as you let it be.

Apologize for a strong opinion

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written by Administrator, January 07, 2010

Quite agree with Prabol's comment.

Probably we are searching wrong things (True Love) at the wrong time (Youth) and at wrong age (The Ipod Generation).

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written by Domarp, January 07, 2010

@Prabol
Thanks for your comment....as far your query is concerned girls do enjoy this part that somebody cares for them,love them, give them undivided attention though reciprocating the same happens most of the time but not always...the truth is that my story has glimpses of reality...cannot go in detail ..but believe me this happens..though cannot generalise this....may be a rare case...

@Admin
Not Sure whether we are searching wrong things...but for this younger generation(I Pod wali) things are very unpredictable

@PP
Thanks ma'am for your inputs....though am still confused between love and infatuation...there are few people who always live in their past....always yearn for things which they wanted(Love)....can infatuation haunt somebody for such a long period of time or is it a male ego?....don't know but objectively picture is not clear..so took this exception that our Sameer is still on love....
But ma'am i truly believe that Institution of marriage with commitment is a social necesity as it brings the requisite order and stabilty for healthy society..Younger generation should note this.

@Sagar
Thanks for your input...would try to come something more interesting in future

@Barun
Thanks for your input...just explore and let me know if "LOVE SUCKS" ...lolz

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written by Santosh, January 07, 2010

I thought it very strange for your friend to think of his campus love and sulk seven years later. The thought process during these times undergo radical changes due to more responsibility and accountability. Priorities change and you view life with a different perspective. In retrospect your campus behavior could even embarrass you then.

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hey
written by prabol, January 09, 2010

I am not denying that this does not happen. I just do not like the girl being sort of a protagonist of the story. I would have liked a little more negativity towards her

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A good one
written by Yashu Rustagi, March 23, 2010

A story of so many....! It catapulted me back to those yrs of college. Well, I m in synch with Sameer's predicament and frame of mind. Such incidents can lead to major upheavals in the lives of many. N yes, for the unfortunate ones it does seem to be a waste of such beautiful moments that could have been cherished with other good friends. The worth of the good times that could have been is felt more in the yrs when u start workin n u r yet single. The fast paced life at this stage leaves one with little time to invest in fledgling associations. Its not desperation, but a sense of loneliness that creeps in coz all d other friendships that could have been a succour have been left undernourished for nurturing a relation that was never meant to be. N herein comes the remorse...! For all the cliche's, its not so simple to jettisson one's past , n yet one must try to move on ...

M really all smiles...!!! Thanks, Pramod....

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Clarification
written by Yashu Rustagi, March 23, 2010

The previous comment by me wasn't related to infactuation incidents 1 yr is a decent time ... to not be considered infactuation, i guess ...

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written by prawal, May 24, 2010

@yashu...good that u clarified

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